Holidays aren't always Merry

As we enter the holiday season, a lot of my clients talk about how this time of year is especially hard for them, as they have unhealthy relationships with their family, or like Jacob Marley's ghost, it brings up holiday horror stories.

I like to remind people that choice is a wonderful thing and the freedom we have to choose includes choosing how to spend our holiday time. If you are reticent to get involved in family events due to conflicts, substance abuse, etc, you have the right to determine what is appropriate for you. This can include avoiding your family like a flu virus if appropriate. You can also decide to set healthy Boundaries around family events, such as staying for a limited period of time, or leaving if you become uncomfortable or if unhealthy actions like drinking or drugging take place.

For people with histories that bring up emotionally painful memories around the holidays, work to process the old memories (in therapy if necessary) to make them more bearable. Create new traditions to fit your current life. One of my clients recently held a Thanksgiving party with a number of neighbors and friends because it was far more friendly than "walking on eggshells" around his family.

It is important to remember that many of those 'family traditions' that are so stressful to deal with are not mandatory activities. We can choose to do something different. We can set boundaries around what is acceptable to us. We don't have to spend our holidays with our own Grinches.